


Charles Xavier's Ex Versus Tyrannosaurus Rex

by Yahtzee



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Banter, Dialogue-Only, Dinosaurs, Humor, M/M, Savage Land
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5326682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yahtzee/pseuds/Yahtzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look at it this way—it could be worse." </p>
<p>"Worse than being stranded in a mysterious jungle enclave beneath Antarctica known as the Savage Land, which happens to be populated by thousands of dinosaurs, many of which are carnivorous, and without our powers? Please, Charles, enlighten me: How, exactly, could this be worse?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charles Xavier's Ex Versus Tyrannosaurus Rex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_Betty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Betty/gifts).



"Look at it this way—it could be worse."

"… _worse_?"

"Right, yes, exactly."

"Worse than being stranded in a mysterious jungle enclave beneath Antarctica known as the Savage Land, which happens to be populated by thousands of dinosaurs, many of which are carnivorous, and without our powers? Please, Charles, enlighten me: How, exactly, could this be worse?"

"We could be alone. Instead we're together. We've got each other. And there's never been a problem at least one of us couldn't handle. Together? We're unstoppable."

"You had me until the unstoppable part. We're currently crawling on our bellies through a slimy cave in an attempt to hide from an extremely hungry T. Rex. Right now I would say we seem very stoppable. Extremely. In fact, _stopped_."

"Not stopped! Just significantly delayed."

"As in, we have no way out of here that we know of and may end our days running from carnivorous dinosaurs as though we're in some creationist theme park diorama?"

"Exactly."

"Your optimism often makes you sound foolish, Charles, but never before have I thought it made you sound stupid."

"Well. If you're going to be _that_ way about it."

 

_After a very long silence…_

"Ooooh, look, I…never mind."

"What? Have you seen a way out?"

"No."

"A potential weapon?"

"No."

"What, then?"

"If you must know, Erik, I saw a lungfish."

"A what?"

"A lungfish. You know, one of the first fish to be able to breathe above water and waddle onto land? One of the earliest steps in evolution, and so significantly predating dinosaurs of any sort, but the Savage Land doesn't seem to have much to do with conventional evolution, or time, or anything else that makes sense."

"Why was that so exciting? Can we eat lungfish? Because I'm getting hungry, and if this place doesn't even have rudimentary human civilization, there's no way we're going to find a kosher deli."

"No! Well, I mean, maybe. I've no idea whether lungfish are edible. But it was exciting to see because…it's just a key step in evolution. A leap forward. Like _we_ are, don't you see? The other fish probably thought of lungfish as mutants. Their ability to leave the water would've been like a superpower. If fish thought at all, which in point of fact they don't—I'm babbling. Forget I said anything."

"I never would've thought of it that way."

"Yes, I'm probably the only person in the world daft enough to wonder about superpowered fish."

"You can make analogies to your scientific work and see wonder in the world all around you, even now. I wouldn't call that daft. I'd call that—brave."

"Not stupid?"

"Charles…"

"No, no, forget I threw that back at you. You're trying to make it up to me. I see that. But it's all right, Erik. No wonder you're in a temper."

"The wonder is that you aren't. So tell me, how are you staying so calm?"

"I'm focusing on the fact that Henry, Mystique and Logan are all searching for us. On the fact that I've got my legs back—because, you know, even though I'm all right as I usually am, it does feel lovely to walk and run and sense things again. And I'm focusing on the fact that I'm here with you."

"…I think you've begun to flirt with me."

"We _are_ stuck in a cave without much else to do for a while. Well out of the slimy parts, too. This area's even a bit cozy, don't you think?"

"Now I know you're flirting."

"Did I mention that my legs aren't the only things I've got back?"

"You didn't go any specific detail."

"Maybe I should explain."

"I was thinking you should demonstrate."

"Why, Erik, I— _mmm_."

 

_After a long time in which a great deal of noise was made…_

 

"You were—Charles—that was—"

"Hmm?"

"—as good as it gets in an age before lube."

"Oh, yeah. Do you know, I think I'm starting to like the Savage Land?"

"It has its advantages. However, it also has…"

"Pterodactyls."

"Exactly. Nor do the people searching for us seem to be making any headway on actually _finding_ us."

"Be fair, Erik. They'll be without their powers as well. And you can't forget that they have the Swamp Men to contend with."

"…Swamp Men?"

"Did you not listen to the message I sent you before I came to Antarctica in the first place?"

"Of course not! We're enemies, remember?"

"That would be more persuasive if you didn't still have your hand on my cock."

"Get back to the 'Swamp Men.' They're humans? They could help us?"

"Yes, they're human—more or less. Not likely to help, though. They're fond of human sacrifice at a site they call the 'Altar of Death.'"

"Subtle."

"My point is, it may simply take Logan and the others a while to find us."

"By 'a while' do you mean days, weeks or months?"

"Yes."

"Charles—"

"Listen to me, will you? We don't have our powers. We don't know when rescue is coming. We have only our intelligence, our human strength, our knowledge of paleontology—well, _my_ knowledge of paleontology—and each other."

"Then…we'll be all right."

"Do you really mean that?"

"We've always been enough for each other before, haven't we? Whether as friends or enemies, as partners or adversaries—"

"As top or bottom—"

"Exactly. We'll get through this together. The only question is where to begin."

"Well, this area of the cave seems like a good temporary shelter. We have fresh water, protection from the elements, and fish we could catch and eat."

"Just not the lungfish, our partners in mutation."

"Oh, Erik. You get so sentimental about mutation."

"Hmmph, well. We'll need weapons. Spears, slings, the like."

"It's always weapons with you."

"Three words, Charles. Altar. Of. Death."

"We'll need lots of weapons. Perhaps a method of transportation to scout the area."

"Can we try riding a dinosaur? Not a T. Rex or anything. Just a herbivore, like maybe a Triceratops."

"…I can't believe that sounded rational."

"Everything's upside down in the Savage Land, Erik."

"Does that mean I get to be on top next time?"

"It just might."


End file.
